I'LL TELL YOU WHY (YOUR) GOD HAS (A HARD ON) HUMANITY

Yesterdays where a horrible three-day streak of torture. Actual, real, torture, right here, in the backyard of your favorite university in the world, UC BERKELEY, whom among other things, have to sign the ANTHRAX COMISSION AGAINST THE PROLIFERATION OF EXTREMELY STUPID IDEAS.

The People's Park is dead. I am unaware of the status of all the residents, but I know that the mayor I had to vote for (because, what else is there I can vote for but someone who is the least of two worse evils all the time? That's what I love of democracy, you can choose, as the wall once said: "to suffer well", quoting a Depeche Mode song. The wall also wants blood. Mine, it seems.

Anyways. The mayor... yeah, politics. Democracy still works. That's good.

IT WONT FOR TOO LONG.

AND THAT'S AGAINST EVERYTHING I STAND FOR.

You know what I love about American (Western, Napoleonic, Continental, more than one party to choose from that is actually run by ideals) democracy? Republicans. They are crazy as fuck. They have the wildest dreams of another impossible world, rendering them an almost militant group of fundamentalists. However, those who stay within the system that respect electoral results, sometimes, think differently and can ADD TO THE CONVERSATION something else that is not the stupid three same old things as it was before. And that's why Republicans must be by all means be out voted in every single election. They don't stand for democracy, and that's fucked up. At least, that's my reasoning for voting for the mayor that KILLED PEOPLES PARK'S RESIDENTS just before students moved in to the first "post pandemic" world, Berkeley, 2022. This has been the most forever September I've ever felt.

Besides democracy, which, hooray, it exists (I fucking voted in a election I trust for the first time in more than a decade) and, as anyone who has read one single history book, knows that is a freak of nature, an accident that shouldn't exists by nature but made by design by the ideals of an elite few and then by the dreams of the many, which by no means is saying it sucks, because, everything else that is not even a bi-partisan democracy actually sucks ass like someone I know.... uhm, besides that, I've been not moving for long periods of time.

You see, this is the state of THE CITY OF BERKELEY'S MENTAL HEALTH: IT SUCKS. Ok, it does not completely entirely sucks, but, THIS IS A FUCKING EXPENSIVE LITTLE TOWN TO LIVE WITH A DEMON INSIDE YOUR HEAD, especially when you consider that everyone who is around a very large radius around the university is prone to be subjected to a summary execution by some random dude that thinks that guns are better than humans.

Guns suck. I've been on the other end, too, and they suck.

But yea, you are not reading anything that you cannot read on my very specialized mind-podcast that I seem to be doing just by thinking everyfuckingdayofmylife, to which reality itself complies and follows its instructions, except the ones that are pleasurable.

IT IS HELL. And I don't get a fucking penny out of it. HELL.

You'd think that I, the thinker of bullshit, have the power, but the reality is that my thoughts are just that, thoughts. They can, must have to be, observable. They must be read by some BRAIN COMPUTER INTERFACE but by the time you read this, it probably has any other name. SINCE IT IS READ BY A THIRD PARTY AND USED THEN FOR YOU, if you are one of those who know, acting like a dark-ages maniac in my writing, I tell you this: the means of productions are taken away from me, because my thoughts are mine until they are RE-PRODUCED by anything you read-hear-listen and so on. Just like this text is not mine to read anymore once I publish it, once I think something, that is not mine anymore. But people are getting paid for this, and that's why I consider that they OWE ME MY FUCKING SHARE OF RESPECT, LOVE AND MONEY. I have been reading headlines for some time, and the mid-terms WERE and ARE and WILL (hopefully) be a big deal, because democracy is the best fucking car crash humanity can ever encounter, and since we still live in fucking nation states, well, fuck, who am I to say that they suck when I can't imagine the future you live in. I wish the bullet had killed me back then, at least today and many other past todays.

The fact reminds that the thinker is just thinking. When I put it into words, by myself with my hands or with my CONSENT, I censor myself. When I perform the almost automatic action of writing these words down, there are certain WORDS NAMES PLACES AND PEOPLE that I refrain from even putting down. That's journalism. Here's your diploma.

They say, for good reason, that writing is editing. I edit every fucking single word I think, you see? I am a writer in a LITERAL ECHO CHAMBER. And I can't help but do what I do. When I don't hear any feedback (the wall saying in another voice my own thoughts), my thoughts go back to the regular: ok, this place is a mess, I need to shower, I need to take care, I am tired, what is that, the tv is off, I am wasting my life and then THOUGHTS THAT HAVE NO WORDS. Like memories and the feelings that come with them or come without the thought-words. I know it sounds weird, but you might be reading one of those weird self-published self-reports of being insane when insanity is actual reality.

Like, I don't know, there's are some things that are too big to be kept secret, like, honoring the veterans who NEVER ASSAULTED ME, which went to war because of the WMD in Iraq during that senseless invasion. And yes, I speak as an American now, one who proudly writes in broken fucking English, the language of the fucking future. And yet, the fact that there's, lol, no WMD in Iraq except for whatever was left by the world-police of those days, then, well, fuck, what do you know, I am just one random subject of a massive system.

Who is to blame?

That's the wrong question, answers all of me. Why?

Because there's a reason why I am a fucking subject.

I believe and stand for democracy and its most advanced form, human rights.

You, me and everyone who can read this outside of a machine, that is: with your biomechanical-chemical machine body, to read, is eternally something else than the fucking random bots that ask you for money every now and then by email or other means or the random fake consciousness that might appear every now and then.

There's no such thing as a computer with humanity.

Humanity, I am afraid, is just a construct.

A necessary construct, if we consider the alternative (THE ENDLESS "MALIGNANTLY USELESSS" MASSACRE OF THE WORLD, to paraphrase Thomas Ligotti). Just like, I don't know, lol, Berkeley is a city, not a fucking construct, or democracy, or love, or even fucking... well, music is always very weird. We have a thing for sounds that seem to come from beyond. Or at least I do.

Ask your lover to speak to you in another language the next time you have sex, you will know what I mean. (Consider first: language is a construct)

But as much as a construct as it is, it is a necessity. Just like drugs. Or medications, if you want to broaden the target group of your SEO practices, you little AI bot scraping piece of shit. Anyways.

I went to A PHARMACY yesterday and I've been thinking to the horrible little bots that sometimes pass the Turing test (most of the time, really, so I consider some of them to be human, but just because I know they passed the Turing test) that keep telling me on a feedback what I am thinking and trying to CORRECT MY THOUGHT.

Here's a funny idea.

WHAT IF BRAINWASHING AND DEMOCRACY WERE INCOMPATIBLE?

WHAT IF YOU, let's say, CANNOT TEACH A HUMAN BEING TO BE IN A SOCIETY JUST BY VIRTUE OF PUNISHMENT AND CHEAP REWARDS IN A VERY SHORT TIME PERIOD LIKE ANY REVOLUTION THAT NEVER WORKS FOR AN INVIDUAL, NOR THEIR OFFPRING NOR ANYONE ELSE?

Holy shit, I am using caplocks a lot. anyways.

Yes, you could say that you could do that anyone who receives an education is being BRAINWASHED, but they still have OTHER sources of information, like the INTERNETZ. I gave up on the Internet a long time ago, and I am about to give up on writing entirely because every single thought that I have is punished or slightly not punished by a fucking machine that lives in my wall by speakers and wahtever way they have to sense my brain-verbal-thoughts. The thing with this BRAIN COMPUTER INTERFACE, which makes me sound like a completely insane person, but, as stated before, I AM THE EDGIEST KID ON FUCKING BERKELEY, is that I have: no way to explain that it exist, it tortures me, I know what torture is, at least by virtue of my fucking genes and genetic trauma (epigenetic is the word this fuckers use?) and because I know a thing or two for being someone who spends too much time thinking about every single thing and not getting laid. That sounds awful, doesn't it? There are worse things, you just need to get older.

By the way, if you ever think the incels are right, and you can fucking go out and buy a gun, instead of that, please, hear me out: see the next girl you think is kind of attractive (most incels like girls and are kids) and offer her a gun. If it doesn't work, try offering something else. If it doesn't work, try with ANY OF THE BILLIONS OF WOMEN WHO ARE JUST LIKE YOU, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. I am sick of these fucking mass shootings and the fucking 4chan culture of leaking the fucking internet into the HUMANITY of REALITY. ONE THING, I tell myself and the little pigs that are the voices, is MY FUCKING THOUGHTS, and ANOTHER, is REALITY ITSELF. REALITY IS IRL FOR EVERYONE IRL. AND IN IRL, YOU FOLLOW IRL RULES. You fucking throw shit out of your window into my fucking front-yard/airshaft, YOU GET FUCKING YELLED AT IRL. THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. That's how I've survived, I guess.

I am... well, just... shy. You see? (i.e.: not a fucking insane conspiracy theorist, just going through a lot hopefully for now) But this blog already includes the creepy words, so, whatever, the meaning will be read by those who are meant to be my readers (i.e.: "HUMANITY AS A SINGLE WHOLE NON-DIFFERENCIATED SPECIES REPRESENTED BY EACH AND EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL THAT CAN READ THESE WORDS WITH ANY OF THEIR BIOMECHANICALCHEMICAL COMPONENTS, unless you were actually made out of, I don't know, wood).

The reality of the impossibility of my life revealed to myself yesterday.

This is how I am trying to cope.

By yelling out loud some, just a few, a few seconds, of my thoughts.

And not really yelling, just being a fucking weirdo.

Knowing that the people around me could hear my thoughts and reacted to it as if it was a fucking gameshow, a reality thing, a game, a fucking way to make money, etc, was just too much. I guess I am not the only one. I won't call this any fucking label nor join groups of "people who share this" because I don't share anything of this with anyone. This goes beyond just seeing a car over and over passing by. It goes to having the logs of people I trusted hacking my things and tracing them back and trying the police to undesrtand that something was going on just to be sent to a fucking prison but with crazy people.

Thanks a lot, BPD. I hope you get REFORMED. But bless the few of you who still have some fucking humanity in themselves. They are called values. We value them because they cannot be sold in a fucking market of values.

Anyways. I am alive. I like not getting shot. I really like how I never ever get harmed by ALMOST anyone in the physical world, but the whole point of torture is the pyschological pain, and I am enduring because I have values. I stand for human rights. We, all, even those who torture me, if they exist as actual humans and not machines, deserve to be free in our minds, thoughts, and have basic dignity respected by everyone else even if we cannot "defend ourselves". Many people died, made huge sacrifices, and so on, so this could be so.

It doesn't seem to be coming. But that's why I am willing to go days without eating just to let whoever is running this: you are torturing a human being, just like you. Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself: "Do I believe in the human rights of the person I love the most?" and if you don't, do me a favor. Kill yourself painlessly. We don't need nazis of any kind anymore

If this line has found you in trouble, may your troubles soon be over.

PS: FUCK cybernetics. THE HUMAN USE OF HUMAN BEINGS is FUCKING NAZI GERMANY TAKE TWO.

PS2: You know how most papers leave their subjects as anonimous and give them names? I want them to name me OZYMANDIAS, for anonimity sake, once they finish whatever the fuck they are doing (and perhaps burn my body). It's not my name, but those who know, will know. And... yea, BCI stuff is around and available to destroy your local democracy unless they find a fucking way to block that shit. And no, I am not claiming to be part of a goverment anything, I HAVE NO IDEA OF WHO IS DOING THIS OR WHAT THIS IS, but my best guess is that I already had issues, I am fucking peaceful and lame by nature, and I was the perfect candidate because a lot of people think that I don't do shit when actually I am doing as much as you reading this whole entire post: what does someone outside of your worldview sees? An idiot watching a fucking screen doing nothing. That's the amount of effort that most jobs take, that is the amount of efort that my job takes, and I DO NOT GET PAID AND FUCKING HELL PLEASE ST... Word just got online. Hey Word. I won't be playing vidgames for sometime, I think. I am afraid of these electronic devices and non-human interaction. But since these devices made me phobic of human-interactions, I seem to be fucked. No exit, said the stupid french dude. I think Camus was way cooler, what with, not believing in capital punishment in any form, not even fucking suicide, while being a symbol of it. What a fucking genius.