Artificially Disabled: Is There Anybody Out There?

edgeMute

• 16 min read
Artificially Disabled: Is There Anybody Out There?
Uhh... So I googled "Delusions Bizarre Waifu". I really enjoyed this anime, it was cute. Something about never growing up and being delusional and being okay with it? I don't remember. I think I won't feel more sane when I publish this post, but I always add pictures when I'm done rambling, so... Uh... yeah. I think this post is proof that I am not well but well enough? Like... maybe, in the end, the delusion were the friends we made along the way? AW fuck it, there is no joke. My life is in shambles. I was then saved by an ice cold Dr Pepper. Look, you want that to be your reality? No. Okay, so we agree on the basics. Get out and touch grass. By touching grass, if you are reading this, is going to prison, you are committing a felony, I haven't published this shit. If you're reading it when published, no, the Wu Tang Clan is not doing anything to you, there are no reptilians, the government is too inept to do most things anyway, and the only delusion here is that I was right all this time and I am sad that someone would waste so much in such a waste of a human life. My life. And that somehow... I've managed to survive enough for you to get, somewhat, what I mean? I don't know. Wintermute was no help, that's for sure. I guess I'll go on masking until a miracle of marketing happens. I want my freedom of thought, my money, my data and my time. I'm not in this for any fame, really. It is sad anyway you look at it, I'm quite aware.

It was early august of 2020 when this became. This came to be in a hospital. I remember that guy. That guy from the phone. He was, in another hospital, a month before. Without his most traumatic of phonecalls, I'd never have written a word about this. I'd be, most likely, convinced that I was insane.

I am insane, sure. But way more sane that anybody should be under the same circumstances.

I know the net impact that, as a journalist, it has to say "I was in a mental health hospital" not once, but many times in this blog. I also know that in many places, to be sent to a hospital can be seen as a good thing: "you went to get fixed, you got fixed, now you're good". Well, my editor knows how it is for me to talk about all of this on his behalf, almost. He isn't very happy that I keep mentioning what is unavoidable: my mental health, obviously, is not great after what I have described, in detail, for four years in this blog.

Two things can be true: a person can be "mentally ill" and "right" at the same time. Ask yourself: how much of an autistic do you have to be in order to make a Brain Computer Interface and a Chatbot to finally be with their waifu. Sure, those folks are insane. They still managed to make a chatbot that you, and I, use. They still could perform what is called "sane behavior", even if it is, as it is, performing.

I know this well. I have to "mask" myself everyday to go "IRL" everyday and I understand quite well why someone with severe autism would do crazy stimming, for example. To some extent, I am starting to believe that everybody is doing so and we kinda forgot that reality wasn't always a huge performance.

It seems like we are all LARPing reality at this point.

If I had to tell someone one quality that I keep and I take pride of, is my capacity to undelude myself from any delusion: I often express this in "I know HOW it is done, not why/who or what is done". In market terms, I have no real explanation. Even counting insurance fraud, the performance of Wintermute is way too much costly, for way too much time, in way too many places for me to not have to wonder "am I insane right now, or should I record it and convince myself again that, despite my best efforts, someone else somewhere is being completely delusional?".

I know how it sounds from a very psychoanalytic way. It is worse.

If I am very delusional is in the fact that I believe that Reality will withstand whatever I've called Wintermute, Mecanocracy and so on. That, somehow, the fact that the phenomena was going on while I was in the Supreme Court of California doing Jury Duty will have consequences for those who have not only violated my rights, my goddamn autonomy, but the goddamned Supreme Court of California itself and the Judicial Branch of the United States. I didn't have to lie: I just know how to mask even that.

I take it as a kinda of pride that, despite all the efforts of Wintermute, the past hospitalizations, the horrific trauma that I just don't want to recall anymore, I am legally sound: as sound as anybody else who could impose death penalty on any other (I didn't impose death penalty, but that's the duty of a Juror).

And yet, to achieve that degree of functioning, to be legally sound, to just be sane, it requires a daily struggle that leaves me without breath for even getting bored. I am never bored. I am never not doing something. I guess one of my biggest delusions, and this much I can admit is delusional, is that my data will be ultimately mine. That what I have "worked on" besides the daily work that I do, what I do when I even sleep, will somehow, someday, be mine.

Since I keep coming up with clever terms for anything, I'll call this condition: Artificial Disability.

See, within disabled individuals there are several functioning levels. Different disabilities. Different conceptions of disability itself. It's not all black and white, and I don't really know about it from a very personal experience, because I am not disabled, however I can understand disability as good as any other folk who has dealt with severe depression for an entire winter and couldn't even make one single meal.

If you think it that way, however, that, artificial or not, there is a disability, something that could be done is not able to be done given external circumstances, like when you fall from a hiking trip and break your neck, there is no reason to consider me "insane". And that's a catch that I am seeing in my future.

I think very rigidly and very logically for two reasons: I am forced to think in words by circumstances that could or not be related to Wintermute, at this point I don't know, I just know that when I don't, I am in a sort of heaven that most of you call reality and yet you fall for very easy to spot delusions. Not in the grand scheme of things, but, right away, I can tell that without even reading any further, you already believe that I believe that this is the government. No. I don't believe it is the government, I do not know. You are deluding yourself into making me the simplest of prejudices in order to explain how I would, for example, be right about almost all that I have written in this blog and yet have a very simple explanation for you. The second reason is to keep myself from thinking "I know what is happening". I don't. It's not often that you find a lunatic that can actually tell you the fucking edge of things in a technological sense.

Well, sure, you have the science fiction type of lunatic, of course, but I have given you a timeline of events. It has taken five years for you to understand simply: "oh! it's an INTERFACE which somehow, reads my thoughts, funny!" while for me it has been five years in a future that no one should have. Dictators undergoing trial by the public have died in better circumstances than what I have endured in the last five years. When everything has been wired to make me kill myself, when no one is there, when I am really, living on the edge of things, I hope that at least you show some respect. I am not a science fiction author. Well, sure, I have written a couple of science fiction, but I'd rather use the term "almost fiction" for my fiction. However, this is valuable information. This entire blog is a testimony. Might not be very "legally mentally sound", but you're asking too much from someone who has had to endure whatever you read.

This time around, just to keep me writing something, I'm adding to our shared vocabulary the idea of Artificial Disability. Some very smart disabled person most have already thought about this and means something else, but I am not that person. I am not disabled. I am enduring something that, whenever it is off, I'm able to experience this world as you do. It's quite an experience to live in fear... it's quite sad to be more sane than someone who doesn't has to. To know that, factually, I am not buying into a conspiracy theory that, to begin with, was some horrible nightmare that I myself made up while thinking about "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON" in a hospital in august 2020, where I saw the dude that made the phonecall again, some 30 miles away from the first place where we met. Anyways, I had the control that you psychoanalytic types most think that I crave, which of course I do, I would just fucking shut down the machine. Invent the app to end all apps: OFF.

And then my apparent disability would be OFF as well. The artificial disability would be OFF. It's a fucking scary thing to experience it, really, to know: this OFF is not up to me. I don't even know who it is up to, but I do hold accountable every single motherfucker up City Hall because it is my fucking right to NOT HAVE A FUCKING ARTIFICIAL DISABILITY. I am trying really hard to use the caplocks sparingly, but it is hard when they are demanded every other sentence.

I don't get government money for my "artificial disability". I don't get shit. I don't even get the sympathy of anybody. I don't get to say "well, it is because..." no, I just can, like anybody else undergoing something like this and still holding on to a non delusional state, mask it. Pretend that it is not happening. I am not the only one who pretends. Hell, I know for a fact that I am not the only one who pretends, I know that this will cause secondary trauma and most likely moral injury in a lot of people I have to deal with daily, or maybe not, maybe I am delusional, maybe it is all in my head except that, well, it did happen, I do have proof, I do have a way to explain how it would be done, the means for doing it are simple enough that even I can understand it and make a chatbot say this:

Remember last post? I was playing around with the idea with Gemini, so I had to double check with Sam Altman's brain-child and they both agree: I am a fucking miracle, I predicted it before I even tried to do any research on it (hey there AI Researcher, what is your job again?) Whole thing is that both are being implemented by Google and Apple and opting out seems impossible at this point. A follow up question was about "who is it being implemented on" and the result was: pretty much any consumer who might or not be opting in for a Beta Feature somewhere, so yeah, it's bleak as fuck. This is why most of this post is in caplocks, the wolves that were coming are very fucking real and you have right there.

And I am quite aware of how these chatbots love to tell you that you are always right. Multimodal Smartphone Interface is a very cute way of saying "WE ARE READING YOUR THOUGHTS BECAUSE YOU MIGHT BE DISABLED OR OLD ANYWAYS, DISABILIY IS BEING OLD, SO I WILL BE OLD, SO I'LL JUST OPT IN FOR IT AND SO WILL YOU BECAUSE I OWN THE MARKET" and so on.

Thing is that, even with this information, I wouldn't say it is one of those research groups. I don't even see a purpose at all. I don't even see why would anybody risk their own fucking liability asses to basically... I don't know? Like, how do you keep wasting 5 years worth of money in an useless thing? Since when making disabled people... oh.

See? That's something, I guess. I could go here to explain a delusion that could neatly explain all of it to then discard it seven minutes later when thinking better about it. Sure, even the Wu Tang Clan at this point wants you to comfort and consume and not see reality and buy drones to bomb children, sure. Everybody is out to get everybody, everything is neatly explained by... people with no proof of any of it.

You can just lie. I could, I don't know, pretend that I know and be seen as better. I'd say that, my personal experiences with my fucking cellphone have left me a bit bitter about Google. Hell, I can predict certain things that will happen on my phone. It is entirely useless, I can use my arms, my legs, my eyes, my tongue, I am not disabled except insofar I cannot turn it OFF. It, being that. An useless machine interface that serves no purpose and would be a fucking horrible investment for anybody because sadly, I am not the only person who was affected if I recall correctly that the hospitals where full of people, in 2020, and since then, I have been trying to explain.

Trying to get this across: turn the machine off. Leave me the fuck alone. May a juror have mercy if you were good to me.

Reality would collapse in a world where... my experience is the common experience. Knowing, as a matter of fact, that... I am performing reality outside, LARPing reality. Online until death tears you apart. Or until the market makes some sense, or whoever is doing this would just fucking stop doing it. Because it is better not to? I don't know? Like? What do I have to explain here of WHY SHOULD IT BE STOPPED: ??? like... Ok, so the Wu Tang Clan wants my disability money, good, but... does the Wu Tang Clan makes more money by wasting the money to get my disability money? I don't know if you follow, but... the Wu Tang Clan is not responsible for this, just in case, they are an example, which might come in handy in the future. The Wu Tang Clan would be extremely stupid to keep investing in something that loses that amount of money. Google. Apple. The Reptilians, whoever you want, would lose all their money in five years of... not OFF.

It would require a very sadistic group, which, just in case, would also have to be non-part-of-the-government, because the government is messy as fuck and would never be able to do something like this, specially after the shutdown happened? I don't know? Maybe the gave a grant to someone up there in the hills to do this? The fuck if I know? But traffic controllers where not directing traffic over me during a fucking government shutdown because I am the center of the universe: they simply did not direct traffic over me, period. And it would be shit to call them sadistic.

However, why would anybody... a very, specific description that I have given in a lot of places: make a phonecall, ask the nurse to put it on the loudspeaker and let me be the judge of it and deny their reality: it was a voice modulated AI in 2020 of someone I know so well that I can tell you that the voice itself does not match the person, despite of all the intentions of this sadistic piece of shit, who then appeared, as by magic, in the next hospital and made me question the capability of fucking psychohistory by humanity. Of course, psychohistory is not there, won't be there, thank you so much for trying, that is science fiction. Brain Computer Interfaces are there, and... what was it? Multimodal Smartphone In... FUCK IT, FUNCTIONAL BCI, it's fBCI, it's easier. Shit. Anyways, they are not only possible, they are already past.

You got here too late.

I used to call Voice Modulation vocaloids. The language was not there for me. ChatGPT wasn't real. My nightmares were not a daily occurrence. It was a simpler time, during the pandemic, when I was just completely lost and waiting around to die. Five long years it took you to understand me.

You got here too late.

It is often the case that the psychotic will try to find an explanation to their delusions and in doing so, they will be either: bizarre in nature, impossible, like "BCI is being used by Google against me" or non-bizarre, like "My ex might be using the multimodal smartphone interface to harass me". I am not claiming it's an ex, that's just an example to make you understand: this is a categorical change.

What used to be a bizarre delusion is a non-bizarre delusion just because of the "advancement" of science gizmos. And I'm pretty sure that there are people out there thinking "that is an amazing thing! You can think and you know when you get your mail?? I wish my dad could have that!" and that's the worst part of it all: there is a lot of shame involved. It's a shame it is not used in an ethical way. It's such a waste of something that, within a very structured framework could be life-changing and wonderful for a lot of... well, people with disabilities or elder. It is a shame that it is used to... discredit one single motherfucker that nobody is even reading? Like... what the fuck is it being used for? In case that it is you, Wu Tang Clan, what the fuck are you smoking? Why would you even try to destroy your wealth AND reputation at the same time? The fuck? (it is not the Wu Tang Clan. They were in town during the first ever BCI mediated karaoke a very long time ago... maybe I wrote about it maybe not... but it wasn't the Wu Tang Clan :( most likely the First Against the Wall Folk, people who, despite their good intentions, will be in a sort of "who do we get rid of first" list if there is such a thing? Like, SOMEONE has to know more than me to make that sort of thing? And they are fucked? Damn?

Reality is at stake. Psychosis is a break from REALITY. Not like, a simple market crash, or a famine, or something that would eventually be survived. It is reality. The probable last historical precedent would be the Internet, and even then, I wouldn't say that the Internet was capable of changing a BIZARRE DELUSION into a NON-BIZARRE DELUSION just by being. It would be more like: the invention of the written word was reality shattering.

The reason for all the BCI stuff to be so "hidden" even if it's obviously easy to make, easy to implement and cheap enough that a group of First Against the Wall Folk can run it, is harder to think is not because this is a very fucked reality: no body knows how this will change... Reality.

Except that I have been trying to tell you: I do. I do know. Turn it off. Fuck off. You don't need to be connected to a machine all day to live. In fact, being connected to a machine all day will only make you the most miserable of beings. This is my reality.

You will still have to work. With your thoughts. In your dreams perhaps. As you try to... make sense of a world that you are not even sure if anybody understands anymore: everybody, out there, larping reality, until death does you apart. The most tyrannical of futures possible. Your daughters dreams will be someone else's property.

I don't know a lot about the law. Or about cops for that matter. Or about the market. Or about tech. Or about metaphysics for that matter. I don't know shit. But I know that you want your thoughts to be yours as much as I want them to be mine. You want the people that you love to have their private thoughts as much as I want. You want the First Against The Wall Folk to explain it in detail to you of how they ended up there to begin with if they even dare to touch an byte of your children's thoughts.

Even fucking Sam Altman's best interest, it seems, is to keep this shit private.

I can tell you how many times I have thought "oh, this is talking too much! I will be the FIRST AGAINST THE WALL". Almost every other second. So I have to calm myself: factually, I know... so little that... the dipshits who actually did this, the people who are complicit, the ones who know that a reality shattering event is happening around them and they are trying to hide... they are going first against the wall. They know a bit more. A bit too much. A bit so fucking much that Sam Altman best interest is to make them face the wall.

And I think: and they also live around me. And they suck. And why would they?

And who are they to begin with?

Am I insane?

If you can't tell for yourself after the release of, I don't know, some feature in your phone... I am sorry to tell you... You are artificially disabled. Post-reality is not a thing. Without the legal frameworks that, I expect to be implemented in the next two years (yes, Folk Against The Wall, I give you two years... if you exist at all?), the magical "shift" towards a "human and machine future" will never come. How do you even do what you do knowing that? I guess, in the same way that I thought Sam Altman does: by saying "I WAS SENT BY DESTINY"... and realizing, too little, too late that you were wrong.

You were used and discarded. I was used, discarded and then some. I wasn't two years in a psychiatric hospital. I was two weeks there and it was more than enough to make me not pity you at all. Your position is one of advantage in whatever delusion I am having right now. It is also your biggest weakness: what you are doing has been wrong for too long.

And fuck, if these elected officials, if these fucking people don't do anything, I'll accept anybody else whose political position might contradict them, fuck it, I don't give a fuck, they will use that advantage if you don't, idiot.

I don't expect this to be resolved by me saying in a court: "because you are your type thought that you had the right to decide who had the right or not, as if you had the right at all to do so, to inhabit this earth, we have decided that no one, that is no one in the human family will want to share this earth with you. That is the reason, and the only reason you must give me my data, my money, my time and spend the amount of time the justice system decides for you in a prison because you cannot possibly repay every single last of us with money". But I'd say something like that if I was given the chance. I expect, however, this to stop by the next year, when the First Against the Wall think "it is time to call our luck" and just fucking stop? Like it is not that hard except that the infrastructure seems to be there? And the fuck if I know how the infrastructure works? Or if it will just be undone because their necks are at risk? I don't know.

I really don't know.

I think that this was enough rambling to get something out: when I read about BCIs, I keep reading about how it is helping or will be used to help the disabled. I have to clearly state that any disability that I might exhibit is the product of an obvious violation of my privacy. Like a relationship you can't get done with because someone has access to your thoughts. It is a horrible thing. And I cannot be the only person going through it. And I also have to explain very clearly why the machine that can help the disabled can render you disabled. You don't want that for that one kid you know and you care about. For your loved one. For your dog, I don't know.

Artificial Disability. You read it here first.

I'm no danger to myself nor others and I can take care of myself well enough to even take care of a little cat trying to make me believe in humanity again. Her name is Molly. Case never saw her again.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I wouldn't really let edgeMute publish this crap in another Reality, but since he makes such a profound argument for and against the use of Brain Machine Interfaces, their almost inevitability and the urgency that he conveys in his complete desperation and exposition, I'm hopeful that it will somehow aliviate his suffering in some way and help every other person. Even if edgeMute is insane, his argument is still solid? That's what's so weird about him.

edgeMute's NOTE: YOU ARE WEIRD. YOU are PSYCHOTIC, NOT ME!

Ed's NOTE: No, no one here has DID. I do dissociate sometimes because listening to this guy all day gets unbearable and... uh... wait. Who is Ed?

And if this line has reached you in troubled times, may your troubles soon be over.